NOTES FROM WHEN I ACTUALLY LOVED YOU
Hello, it's been a few weeks/months since i made an entry but i feel like typing something now while I wait for office to download. No, I didnt pay money for it because you can get it for free if you're in school, I think all college's make it available for you. Anyway, these photos i have are from my week in Texas. I was a beautiful seven day trip and I wish it were longer but there will be another day to visit. I'm listening to sierra leone and it's cool as hell i love it when will someone love me like i love my music lol
Back in texas, i had sushi for the first time ever, and it was all vegetarian. It was beautiful I think I became a woman that day. I had delicious icecream (strawberry shortcake, i had no clue there would actually be cake in it, i thought it was just the name) I rode go kartz once again in a long time after a long time. I had the most fun in my life there hanging with my dad who I havent seen in almost ten years. I was taken to a japanese garden. I met a cousin who was named after me, who looked like me and who was quiet like I was. The people there who were white scared the shit out of me, there were some white people who would look at us like you look at animals in there land. White people are hard to trust and look at and be next to, they smell like cheetos(hell no im not saying all white people but the white people who get offended by this will know what kind of nasty mayonnaises im talking about. Anyway enough of that shit, I love heath ledger, he was a great actor and who knew his voice was beautiful i didnt but i do. We tried to fit doing everything into like 3 days that week in texas. It was really crazy and fun but sad, because I knew we would leave soon back to snow. I loved eating with the other half of my family. It's been too long. It's better to see them then always wonder of them
april 08 -
he is so sweet nice kind caring
he called those girls from la beautiful and prego latinas pretty mamas, got nervous about right away thinking what did i just say to her? its sweet how he wants me to know things like how he likes me and thinks im beautiful, pretty but why did he say that about those girls?
not even he knows. its all right, i hope he does realize it sucks when he says those things to me.
why would anyone say that to the girl they claim to love, beats me. beats him. i don’t care for flattery any longer. it was nice at first, and different but theyre just words. i can say i voted for you but i really didnt, they can be little lies and its fine everyone lies. im sure ive told friends theyre really not that fat after they just said theyre fat, and its a lie and i know it and i say it to be kind. flattery can be a big bag of lies sometimes. i hope to get through these challenges together with you, its also very different. it can be adventurous and uplifting at points. it'll change us tremendously for the better; i know you know this too. //
i forgot my phone at my moms store and left it there through the night. the night i told you about why i was upset, and i wasnt sure if you had called me on there, and i wanted to say something to let you know you dont need to call me on that phone since i didnt have it with me but that would make me sound too conceded like i knw you'd call. the next day i saw the messages i received and saw how nervous my dad was because i wasnt responding to his messages. the truth is i spend most of my time thinking about you and myself. who else should i be thinking about, family,yes but i think of you most.
and i want to talk to you most. i want to dream of you most. how selfish of you, i should spread my love around but i want it all for you. i think you deserve it most. why have you been hurt so much by others and yourself? i want to give happiness, all of it back to you but with love.
not even he knows. its all right, i hope he does realize it sucks when he says those things to me.
why would anyone say that to the girl they claim to love, beats me. beats him. i don’t care for flattery any longer. it was nice at first, and different but theyre just words. i can say i voted for you but i really didnt, they can be little lies and its fine everyone lies. im sure ive told friends theyre really not that fat after they just said theyre fat, and its a lie and i know it and i say it to be kind. flattery can be a big bag of lies sometimes. i hope to get through these challenges together with you, its also very different. it can be adventurous and uplifting at points. it'll change us tremendously for the better; i know you know this too. //
i forgot my phone at my moms store and left it there through the night. the night i told you about why i was upset, and i wasnt sure if you had called me on there, and i wanted to say something to let you know you dont need to call me on that phone since i didnt have it with me but that would make me sound too conceded like i knw you'd call. the next day i saw the messages i received and saw how nervous my dad was because i wasnt responding to his messages. the truth is i spend most of my time thinking about you and myself. who else should i be thinking about, family,yes but i think of you most.
and i want to talk to you most. i want to dream of you most. how selfish of you, i should spread my love around but i want it all for you. i think you deserve it most. why have you been hurt so much by others and yourself? i want to give happiness, all of it back to you but with love.
like shortness of breath, each breath pumping, tingly in my lungs with each breath and a little hard, comfortable feelings blood was flowing everywhere love spell i was breathing in your everything every time you inhaled, i thought you were gonna say you cant pretend anymore, or you shouldnt so you really surprised me when you said you really do love me.
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